Relationship Tip #5
You’re not doing your relationship any favors by avoiding conflict. The parts of you both that need love the most can use a dose of magic.
And the magic happens after conflict in the repair. Conflict is normal. It’s not a sign that your relationship is in trouble. However, it’s important to understand the difference between abuse and normal (but ugly) conflict. You can read more about that from me here.
Fighting, arguing, feeling dissatisfied, a tiff, the cold shoulder, bickering, sniping, being passive aggressive, the silent treatment, WHATEVER it is that you and your partner suffer through when you have friction, is triggered by “disconnection.”
And disconnection SUCKS. It sucks because it hurts!
Disconnection pokes at your most sensitive spots. It rips into that bag o’ wounds you learned about in my last email, and then it activates your moldy old pain. So of course it makes sense that you’ll do just about anything to not feel the hurt — you’ll most likely launch a protest that makes you behave like a jerk (remember truth #3). And your jerkish behavior causes conflict.
Worse? Disconnection is inevitable in a relationship with someone who is important to you.
Behind Door #2 is your worst nightmare: CONFLICT. UGH. Your partner is upset, which makes you feel like crap. So you both protest! Your dueling bags o’ wounds are torn open. BUT wait … hold up… What if while those bags were open, you recognized how vulnerable your partner is because you’re so important to them? Could you soften and love your partner, wounds and all? And what if your partner saw your suffering underneath your protest and soothed you when you were feeling so vulnerable?
Oh my gosh. Not only did you just survive your worst nightmare, but the vulnerable parts of you that need love the most just received some lovin’.
So fight often, but make up every time.
You gotta learn how to see your yucky moments from an empathetic perspective (that your partner’s behaviors are a reflection of their vulnerability because you matter so much).
And you gotta learn how to show up, make up, and love up the parts of you and your partner that really need each other!
Get back that loving feeling
Wants to learn about your relationship habits?
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and snuggle more!
Take two minutes to read your Self-Discovery Report once you have taken the Empathi Quiz— knowing and accepting your vulnerability in love is an essential step toward having a successful relationship!